I don't know about you guys but for me trying new things is synonym to torture, constant sweating, panic, anxiety and all around a big fat NO.Don't know how or when I became like this but it's stopped me from doing a lot of things in life. The only thing I know now is that I'm starting to get better even if just a little, now I can think and plan a bit on doing something new, going after what I "think" is what I want or better yet doing something out of my "comfort zone" which is quite literally staying home and not socializing much, so I haven't been dreading going out -much.-
My point here is that I started this blog to post about things I thought I liked, hence the previous name "Alba's Faves" but over the months new things have come, old things have gone and I just couldn't continue calling it that so I'm basically trying to use this as some kind of online -public- journal in which I post everything I can't post on my bookish blog. I want to, one year from now, look back and see how much one changes in that span of time. I want to prove to myself that I'm actually getting better, not because someone else told me but because I feel it.
It is no secret that I'm a christian, I believe in God and in Jesus Christ but don't let that deter you from visiting here once in a while ;)
I don't think I'm making any sense and that I'm just all over the place but I hope to be posting constantly.
For once in my life I want to start something and stick to it. I love reading and I love writing... I stopped writing a while ago but reading is something so dear to me, something that has kept me sane when no other thing could. I'm honestly so thankful, so blessed that I can read and buy the books I like reading...
Now I've found a new love in makeup and while I'm just a fledgling I hope I get over myself quickly and just go to some makeup school to prove to myself that I actually CAN, that people are just that, PEOPLE! And that I'm worthy... even after all my mistakes and failures and mishaps... I'm worthy of another try, of another chance, of success, of happiness.I often pray and ask for things but then, while I'm praying, all my flaws come to the front of my mind and I simply stop, I start feeling too uncomfortable and quickly it all morphs into unworthiness.
But I know that is just remnants of my depression, trying to suck me back under, doing it's very best to get me so low I start to self-harm again and I refuse that with all my being.
I am loved. I am worthy. I deserve to be happy.
I know I can and I know I will.
And I hope this blog and my posts records my journey to that, self happiness, self acceptance, self love :)
Hugs
-Alba
